


Before Sunset

by Magistra



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Character Development, During Canon, Emotional Baggage, Feelings Realization, Gen, I Blame Tumblr, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, KH3 spoilers, Mentorship, Multiple Xehanorts (Kingdom Hearts), Redemption, Saix is a busy guy, Secrets, Trust, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 11:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17724167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magistra/pseuds/Magistra
Summary: While he was briefly Isa before being re-Norted, Saix finally realised the extent of his loneliness and jealousy, and the cruelty they had driven him to. Since then, he has been working in secret within the organization to atone for many of his wrongs, mainly by restoring Xion and Roxas to existence and then ensuring the return of his own heart. This story explores his headspace the morning before his meeting with Lea atop the Twilight Town clocktower as he walks through Organization 13's headquarters and mentors the recently-repaired Xion.AkuSai/LeaIsa is not an active relationship in this story, but it is part of Isa's thoughts and desires. Rated T for very mild references to sex. Mostly canon-compliant.





	Before Sunset

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains spoilers for Kingdom Hearts 3 - You may want to play it and read the secret reports before reading this, since they help explain what Saix was actually doing in the Organization. Also, I feel like it's important to point out that in the first part of the fight against Saix in KH3, Xion is fighting on his side and uses several of his moves (including berserking) and can actually summon his weapon, Lunatic. 
> 
> I love the idea of Saix trying to mentor Xion. It would explain her attack patterns and why she seemed to forgive him so quickly at the end. It could even be part of why she was crying after his Nobody died! It would be wonderfully sweet, wouldn’t it? If he started training her as a tool but found himself treating her like a human the more time he spent with her… 
> 
> The chronology is probably wonky here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the day before the battle with Lea, Saix's thoughts went something like this.

As he walked down the sterile white corridors of the Organization 13 Headquarters, Saix was on edge. Since the return of Master Xehanort, walking the hallways had become more of an ordeal. As far as he was aware, he had never given the old man or his gold-eyed counterparts any reason to distrust him. Still, as the numbers of golden eyes around the headquarters increased and he had been shunted aside from his old duties into a subsidiary role, he had both found the time to set his plans in motion, and become more careful and strategic in his actions. Saix believed he could stand up to an interrogation, but he didn't know the extent of the various Xehanorts’ powers and what they might do to extract the truth if they suspected him. And he wasn't walking alone… He could vouch for himself, but could his companion keep quiet? It seemed likely, but he wasn't certain. 

As he walked, he listened carefully, trying to anticipate anyone else walking his way. All he could hear at first was two sets of footsteps: his own were quick but heavier and more careful, with a breath's space between each footfall. The other set were light and fast as they rushed to keep up with him. Then, another set of footsteps echoed down the hall: Fast, purposeful, heading towards him. 

Saix had enough time to stand in front of his companion; his breath caught in his throat, a relic of the anxiety he had often experienced as Isa, his somebody. The Xehanorts tended to walk around together and often fell into step, so it could be hard to tell how many were coming. If it was more than one, they would probably ignore him, but should it be Xemnas… The Xehanort Nobody who had been Saix's leader and mentor for many years might well notice, and Saix was not in a good frame of mind to deal with him. 

The blue-haired Nobody's breathing eased when a blonde man in a black coat that matched his own rounded the corner. It was not one of the Xehanorts at all, not even a vessel like himself or Zigbar. It was Vexen, the scientist he had recently re-recruited to help him carry out his plans. Not someone Saix fully trusted, but then again, he hadn't trusted any of the Nobodies inside the white walls for a long time. This had changed a little recently, but trust was still a luxury to be dispensed carefully and only in needed quantities. For now, Vexen was useful and his drive to make up for some of the things the Organization had done matched Saix's. It was good enough for his purposes. 

He expected Vexen to walk past, but the blonde man drew up next to him, whispering urgently, “Saix, I was just coming to see you! It was a difficult one, but the new replica for number 13 is ready and functioning. The next ones will be easier to manufacture.”

A pleasant surprise. “You're early. Very good. You remember where to store it?” he asked. 

“Of course…” replied Vexen. “But… why are you still carrying that prototype around? I only repaired it for testing purposes, it’s useless now. How about you let me take it? It would be very useful to me.”

Saix couldn't see the short figure behind him, but he knew she would be standing impassive, playing her part. He spoke firmly, “Did I not tell you? It has proven surprisingly useful already, and I intend to re-purpose it as a defensive tool.”

Vexen seemed confused. “I suppose it’s a cut above the dusks. Still, that's not really its intended purpose, and-”

“Don’t you have other things to be working on?” Saix hissed. He hadn't intended to sound as annoyed as he did, but Vexen was wasting time. He needed to get his companion away from the scientist and out of the corridors as soon as possible. 

Vexen took a step back, a slightly alarmed expression on his face. “Yes, of course. I’ll get back to my work,” he said. “But if you trust my expertise, you’ll get rid of that thing!” He turned and strode down the corridor, his footsteps loud and hurt. 

Saix watched him hurry away before resuming his walk, opening a door into a training room just a few meters ahead. He held the door for the small figure who slipped into the room and closed it after himself, sealing it tight. “Here we are, Xion,” he said, his voice back at its normal volume. 

The small figure pushed back its hood, revealing a worried little face with large blue eyes and short, black hair. “That was close,” the girl said. “Do you think he’s onto me?”

Saix felt himself relax. He had spent many long years working and constantly seeking personal improvement, as well as pushing the Organization to work as hard as he did. He knew better than anyone else how to force someone below him to do things that needed doing. He had even read the artificial child's manual enough times that he could perform some basic programming on her. Still, in the last few weeks, he had found himself taking on a more mentor-like role. The same artificial being he had once despised had become a comforting presence to him. 

The shame, regret, and crushing loneliness he had felt in his brief moments as Isa before Xigbar, or perhaps Braig at the time, had returned him to Nobodyhood had impressed upon him how horrible so many things he had done had been. He needed to atone for his actions as Saix. He needed to fix his mistakes. Most of all, he craved his heart, and with it, forgiveness. He set about these things with a sense of purpose; yet, once he had re-hired Vexen and had Xion repaired, he initially only cared for her because Lea had. Making peace with him unfortunately required her. However, it became clear to him very quickly that compared to the Xehanorts, the artificial girl seemed absolutely human in her behaviors reactions, and motivations. Soon, he found himself treating her kindly in her own right. Xion was a good listener and was loyal to a fault, and once he explained his plan, she took to her part with infectious enthusiasm and excitement. Having her around was… Nice. 

Seeing her worried about being found out, Saix felt he should reassure her. He thought of ruffling her hair, only to realise that was what Lea would do. It would feel wrong and wouldn't be comforting if he did it. He stuck to words. “No, Vexen doesn't understand what you are here for. He just wants to make his work easier by reusing your parts for his other projects.” 

A glance at the child showed that his words had only worried her more, she looked as if she might want to cry. He continued quickly, “Of course, he will not be allowed. Besides, if you’ve practiced well, you should be able to stand up to anyone here.”

Xion perked up at that. “Am I really strong enough now?” she asked. 

Of course! Compliments would be comforting, right? Saix had never been good at giving them, even as Isa, but her reaction somehow made him want to try. “With how quickly you learn and how hard you have trained, you must be as good as anyone here by now,” he replied. “If Lea fails, you know you will have to step in for him. In a berserk rage, I can’t exactly stop myself. Yet, I am trusting you to stop me. I would not ask this of you if you were still weak.”

He glanced at Xion hoping she would seem satisfied, but she was frowning. “Lea…” she said. “You told me, that's Axel's Somebody… Are you going to talk to him before everything happens? I’d talk to Roxas if we were in this kind of situation.”

Even with how human she seemed, Saix had not expected a real child's simple directness to come out of Xion's mouth. How could he explain the whole situation to now? There was no time. If things went wrong, there would never be time. “You don’t know that. There are many things between Lea and myself that make him difficult to talk to,” he said. “You, for example.”

He expected that final barbed comment to silence her, but Xion persisted, “But if he just knew…”

‘No! I can’t tell Lea what we are trying to do,” he interrupted. “I know him well enough, he would jeopardize our plan with his arrogance and eagerness.” The place where Saix's heart should be ached, but he had already relied on and been burned once by Lea already. “Even if I wanted to tell him, I couldn't trust him to get it right. This is why I need you.”

Xion turned towards him fully, grabbing his coat. He glared down at her, but was caught in the genuine, earnest gaze she directed up at him. “Please, Saix!” she begged. “You don’t have to tell him everything, or even half the things. Just go talk to him! What if you never get another chance?”

Saix tore his eyes away from her. He could feel something tugging inside his chest. Was she right? He frowned. 

Xion could see the conflict in him and capitalized on it. “He’ll probably be up on the clock tower later,” she said. Her voice turned soft and warm. “Don't you want to see him again, just in case? Isn't he special to you?” 

For a long moment, Saix stands in silence. His mind is a jumble of “Seeing Lea” and all the words like “Regret”, “Embarrassment” and “Loss” that had filled his mind in that brief moment when he was Isa again. He could almost feel them now… 

Could Nobodies really not feel? He had begun to doubt that recently. But he couldn't just forget about that concept; it was what he was taught as a teenager. The thought that he could not truly feel had sustained him for so long. It had gotten him through the early days, when Lea - no, Axel - cried all night in his arms. It had pulled him through those times when he began to be assigned more responsibilities and authority, even though he was younger than most of the other Organization members. It stopped him from giving Axel preferential treatment or letting others slack even when they were exhausted. It kept him from crying out “please stay” when Axel would slip out of his bed naked, pull the black coat over his strong shoulders, and leave without saying goodbye. It was his crutch and his excuse for years... Yet it never saved him from the empty, hollow pangs of jealousy that struck him when he saw Axel laugh warmly with Roxas and Xion as he grew ever colder to Saix. The idea of not having feelings had once protected him, but had eventually pulled him down the paths of cruelty, resentment, and isolation. It had destroyed the equilibrium it was meant to enforce. Wasn't everything he was doing now meant to make up for everything he did then, because he “felt” every possible variety of bad about it? Who cared anymore if Nobodies technically had hearts or not? It wouldn't matter soon anyway. He might as well take a shot on a little girl's advice. 

Saix gently removed her hands from his coat. Holding them between his own, he leaned closer to the level of her height. (Had she grown since she was made? She seemed taller now.) He sighed, and spoke, “I know where he likes to go, Xion. And you are right, Lea is… Special. I would like to speak to him. I have things to do first, but I will go see him at sunset. Understood?” 

He didn't know the girl was capable of smiling so happily. She squeezed his hands, saying, “Understood! I'll finish practicing my charge too. When you come back, you'll be so proud of me! Good luck!”

Saix felt warmth spread through his chest. He didn't know what he'd say to Lea, but he'd figure it out on the spot. He released Xion's hand and the girl turned away from Saix, keyblade in hand. Dusks appeared around her and she leaped at them with a shout. Saix watched for a moment, a small smile on his face too, before stepping backwards into a corridor of darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much, hope you enjoyed reading! If you have time, would you be willing to leave me a comment? I'd really appreciate that.
> 
> What do you think Saix's relationship with Xion was before the final battle? Do you feel his actions redeemed him? Please just tell me your thoughts about Saix, he is my favourite and I love to see him being appreciated! Nomura really did give me what I wanted most from KH3.
> 
> This fic was expanded from a short bit of fic I wrote a week ago in response to an interesting post on tumblr. https://akusaitrash.tumblr.com/post/182602758644/xion-is-baby-berserker-confirmed-since-she-was


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